Scotland on Wednesday

WELCOME to today's tasty news morsels, including SPORT, FASHION, TELEVISION, BUSINESS and the INTERNET

RED TOP REVIEW

Winehouse pub attack

If in doubt, stick Amy Winehouse on the front page. Winehouse, you may remember, came to the public's attention as a result of her singing but is now largely famous for being infamous. Today's Daily Mirror adds to this tragic, modern mythology with: "Amy Beat Me." One Wayne Lindsay, 29, alleges the star beat him in a "pub attack" in north London. The paper squeezes every last ounce of drama out of his claims, saying Winehouse "swung round, screamed and swore in his face then hit him three times". So did Lindsay need to take a trip to A&E? Not exactly. "It stung," he tells the paper. A source close to the star offers a possible explanation: "Someone behind her pinched her bottom and she reacted."

Don't mention the festival

It's a matter of scientific fact that Germans do not have a sense of humour. So the Daily Mail is tickled pink at the suggestion that thousands of Germans will descend on Edinburgh this summer to enjoy comedy shows at the festival. "Ze giggles have landed," says the headline. It goes something like this: the pound is very weak against the Euro so loads of Europeans are coming to the UK, among them thousands of Germans who are coming to Edinburgh to enjoy comedy shows. The factual evidence, to be frank, is thinner than Hitler's pretext for invading Poland (dammit, I mentioned The War). A lastminute.com spokesman says: "Edinburgh and the comedy shows are proving a firm favourite with the German tourists, who are not famed for their sense of humour."

Madge's barmy bloomers

Back to the Daily Mirror and proof that one picture is worth a thousand "facts". "Bloomin awful..." says the headline above a mildly disturbing image of a bedraggle-haired Madonna out walking in a pair of red bloomers with black lace trim. "Amid rumours of marriage breakdown the Queen of Pop has cast off her legendary style sense and started going out in bizarre undies," says the report. The paper quotes its own fashion expert, Didi Danso: "Being seen in ridiculous-looking old ladies' bloomers won't take off. Madge, you look pants."


BUSINESS

By Nathalie Thomas

More bad news for housebuilders

Britain's housebuilding sector was dealt a further blow this morning when Redrow and Bovis Homes announced they will be forced to cut 40% of their staff.

Bovis admitted house sales fell by a staggering 32% in the first six months of the year, while Redrow called the pace of the property downturn 'unprecedented'. Its sales fell by 19% in the 12 months to 30 June.

Neither housebuilder could predict when the pain in the sector is likely to end. Bovis cut the dividend it pays to shareholders by 75% to 5p a share. The bad news from Bovis and Redrow follows an announcement from Persimmon yesterday that it is axing more than 1,000 jobs, equivalent to 22% of its workforce.


TELEVISION

By Fiona Leith

Home help

If it's true that one in three families hires help for the day-to-day military operation of running a household, then the headaches encountered in Personal Services Required must be commonplace. Tonight's challenge for the families involved is to find the ideal housekeeper.

Personal Services Required, Channel 4, 9pm

Meal tickets

In the travelogue-style has become very familiar to chef programmes these days - what's so wrong with standing in the kitchen? - Marco's Great British Feast sees Monsieur Pierre White hit the road in search of perfect ingredients for a unique feast, including soused herrings and raw venison.

Marco's Great British Feast, ITV, 9pm

Elsewhere, the ever-watchable Celebrity Masterchef returns on BBC1, 8pm. Tonight Linda Robson, Denise Lewis and Michael Buerk step into the ring.


SPORT

By Graham Bean

Hume on course for Royal Birkdale

Scotland's meagre representation at next week's Open Championship has been increased to four after Barry Hume qualified for the championship at Royal Birkdale. Hume came through local final qualifying at West Lancashire to seal his place at golf's oldest major.

He will join compatriots Sandy Lyle, Paul Lawrie and Colin Montgomerie at the Open. The group is augmented by Doug McGuigan, a South African of Scottish descent, but it is one of the poorest Scottish turnouts at the Open in recent years.


INTERNET

Website of the day

Download retro games to your heart's content. Forgotten titles such as Way Of The Exploding Fist have the potential for hours of fun/wasted time. There are no fewer than four varieties of Scramble. here Ultra-cool or ultra-sad. You decide.