1. THE only certain way is to avoid the Royal Mile - however long the necessary detour is, take it. You will reach your destination earlier.
2. If forced to negotiate the Royal Mile, take a long run up. Observe the long jumpers at Beijing and apply the same technique. Start way back. Pause. Deep breath. Focus. Charge. Do not lose focus until the manoeuvre is complete and you are on a side
-road.
3. Should circumstances not allow the application of point 2, above, avoid eye contact with everyone. Some flyerers advertise their purpose with costumes, music, shouting etc. Others are more covert - they may approach with a friendly manner, open a conversation with a harmless request for directions or enquiry about what time it is. If you look in their direction, or pause to answer, they whip out a flyer.
4. Feign unfamiliarity with the English language. The muttering of guttural and/or indistinct noises will only add credibility.
5. Should you give yourself away by speaking English (a "no thank you" is all it takes), say that you are going home in an hour. Home, for these purposes, is at least four hours away.
6. If necessary start an argument with your companion - flyerers want to be happy and feed off other happy people.
7. If you are alone, hold your mobile phone to your ear and talk animatedly for the duration of your presence on the Mile.
8. Some flyerers are targeting audience types. Should you see anyone walking purposefully towards you and smiling, divert immediately into the nearest shop and wait there until they have gone. If they follow you - see 4 above.
9. Trip up, fall over, feign sudden and incurable illness: the flyerer will not want to waste time checking that you are OK and will move on to someone else.
10. As a last resort, ask for a handful of flyers from anyone. Start handing them out yourself. Flyers are like magnets - like poles repel, and people with flyers do not bother one another. Congratulations, you have now become an official flyerer, proving that the old rule is the best: If You Can't Beat Them, Join Them.
• Ginny Davis's show Ten Days ... That Shook The Kitchen! is at Sweet Teviot Place, 1pm, until 24 August.
