"KEEP young and beautiful," goes the song, "it's your duty to be beautiful. Keep young and beautiful, if you want to be loved."
Pressure to look good doesn't get much worse than this, but how would you feel about being urged to keep young and beautiful if you want to show your love for your country?
In his recent budget speech, Kenya's minister of finance, Uhuru Muigai Ken
yatta, had some interesting news for the nation's women. He announced that, starting next year, the excise duty on all skincare and cosmetics products will be halved, from 10 per cent to 5 per cent. And what's more, he said he was doing it "in the recognition that beautiful women are the face of a healthy society".
Unusually for me, I'm not quite sure how to react to the kindness of the Kenyan government. On the one hand, considering that I come from a country that still charges 5 per cent tax on feminine sanitary products, I'm glad to see that someone out there is making life a little bit cheaper for women. There's no doubt that this will help many cash-strapped cosmetics users.
On the other hand, does a "healthy" society have the right to urge its women to wear make-up for the delectation of observers? I suppose the gist of what I'd like to say to Kenya's chancellor of the exchequer is, thank you, Mr Kenyatta: you sexist pig.
That's one hell of a lot of pressure on Kenyan women to look lovely, isn't it? Any girl who dares to go out without some slap on might expect to have to deal with thousands of irate taxpayers wanting to know why she isn't taking full advantage of the reduced excise duty. From now on, there can be no bad hair days in Nairobi. There are no more excuses for not being well-groomed. It is now every Kenyan woman's (excise) duty to be beautiful. They can't very well waste the opportunity to glam up when their thoughtful and beneficent government is giving them such a big discount.
But there's another, more profound issue at the heart of this move. Mr Kenyatta's remark about the beauty of Kenya's women assumes some sort of link between the vigour of the country and the attractiveness of its women. And this isn't something you hear every day in the 21st century.
Kenya obviously wants everybody to know that its women are gorgeous, and it believes that their gorgeousness reflects well on its international reputation. Not since the Greeks paraded Helen in front of the Trojans has a country seemed quite so concerned with the face it shows to the world.
This is beauty as a national treasure, a valuable commodity to be fostered and encouraged. It's as though having a wealth of pretty ladies makes a difference to how happy, strong and prosperous Kenya is, how it sees itself and how it believes it is seen by others.
I wonder, do Kenyan women lather themselves in cut-price Crème de la Mer every night, thinking they're doing it for their country? Is every flick of the mascara wand an act of patriotism?
Now I know how highly Kenya prizes the beauty of its females, I can't help but feel that I'm letting my own side down every time I fail to make an effort. I'd probably try a little bit harder if my own government were kind enough to reduce the price of cosmetics, but I'm not sure I could ever see my skincare regime as an important contribution to my country's good.
All I can say for sure is this, if the amount of make-up a woman wears is in direct correlation to her national pride, Italian women have got to be the world's most patriotic.
Still, this is a strange area in which to formulate government policy. I wonder how the Kenyan finance ministry came to the conclusion that it was worth losing all that money just to make women happy? There must be something else to it. Perhaps the minister's wife was always complaining about the price of make-up and he did it to shut her up.
Or else he'd just bought shares in Max Factor. And, of course, there's always the possibility that this was the only way some desperate male politicians could think of to appeal to women voters. If it's the latter reason, they may be on to something.
Politicians, take note – if you make cosmetics cheaper, you'll win a lot of female support. However, if you make chocolate cheaper, you'll win the election.
