I STUPIDLY started a fat-free, low-calorie diet immediately before I flew to Prague for a four-day break last week. It's not really a city known for its salad bars and "lite" dishes.
Husband and I sat down in a lovely wee bar and were immediately served two giant pints of dark beer. I wanted water!
My meal arrived and, regardless of what I had actually ordered, I was given a big steaming plate of greasy sausages topped with cr
eamed horseradish.
I was about to complain when two traditional Czech musicians ran up to our table – one with a huge brass tuba-style instrument wrapped around his torso, the other with an accordion – and they cheerfully blared their music at us.
I gave up trying to get the waiters' attention and just ate and drank at least a week's worth of calories.
If I stay fat at least I have an excuse: it's Prague's fault.
• MY DAUGHTER Ashley was home alone while her dad and I sloped off on our city break to Prague.
She did, however, give us a list of what to buy her. It included an original vintage army coat as she loves the style.
So I found a basement where "Army Supplies" were on offer.
A big baldy-headed bloke with questionable tattoos on his neck was strutting around in a floor-length leather coat holding a machine gun. I was hoping it was a fake.
"What are you looking for?" he shouted over the pounding music.
"An old military coat for my daughter," I replied.
"Is she into Nazi stuff?" he asked excitedly. "Does she like guns?"
"No, I have changed my mind," I stammered and ran out of the shop.
Ashley needs to get over her vintage army clothing habit if that's the kind of men it attracts.
Golden opportunity to brush up on make-up'A MAKE-UP brush costs £30? Is it made of gold?" my husband shouted and threw up both his hands when he read the pink slip. The gathering of receipts and the horrified noises from his mouth when he picks up those wee pieces of paper lets me know it's tax-return time; that lovely time of the year when he goes through every single purchase I made in the past 12 months.
This message will self-destruct in two minutes…OUR government has allowed yet another breach of our personal security when discs that contained information about court cases went missing in the post last week.
My older brother predicted this situation years ago.
Our crazy Jim has been for years living on conspiracy theories, including those where people are trying to access all sorts of information about you.
He shreds every bit of paper pertaining to his personal history. He insists all letters from agencies that look after him are handed over in person and refuses to give out his National Insurance number to anyone on the phone. I once watched him eat a letter about his sickness benefit.
Now I am beginning to believe his methods are actually more sophisticated that the government's and they should hire Jim to train staff in methods of passing information.
The full article contains 541 words and appears in The Scotsman newspaper.
