Sorry, this may sound a bit catty...

I'M NOT going to pussy-foot around here - what is the point of cats? Or rather cats as pets? I am cat-sitting for a friend; we shall call my feline charge Bagpuss, to conceal his identity. And for 24 hours, Bagpuss has not been well. He is leaving patches of unpleasantness all over the place which, in contour, resemble either Iceland or Sumatra.

Worried, I call his owner. I don't want Bagpuss to expire on my watch. Worse, I don't want to have to pack Bagpuss into his heavy-looking cat carrier and head to the vet. We would need a taxi, and the driver, at the first whiff of cat sickness, would...